The Third Option
by Lex Noctis
Summary: Shepard is brought back to life after the Synthesis and has to deal with the fallout of her decision. But that outcome also comes with a perk of being able to fall in love with EDI again. All is fair in love and war. And Kara Shepard will stand by her choices.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** The Third Option.

**Fandom:** Mass Effect.

**Spoilers:** Takes place after ME3 (duh) so all the spoilers.

**Pairings:** Femshep/EDI.

**Warnings:** Some odd post-Synthesis physiology and psychology; mind bending virtual reality experimentation at some point. But mostly vanilla.

**AN:** This story was inspired by three things. Firstly, a great short story "That is your influence" by KiraMae. It can be found on AO3. Secondly, I always had this vibe that Shepard would not mind to get a thing going with EDI. Discouraging EDI and Joker from hooking up only reinforces that. Surprisingly, there is barely any fiction of Shepard/EDI. Thirdly, I have been curious what a post-Synthesis society would be like. So here we are.

Also as far as this chapter goes I'm really happy I managed to more or less naturally integrate the game dialogue with minimum modifications.

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**The Third Option**

Chapter I

_All you have to do is jump._

She was running, running towards the column of blinding light. It was the only way. The way to stop the insane cycle forever. All Kara had to do is jump. Just let go. It is hard to stand on your own, but not to fall. Anyone can fall.

Shepard took a leap of the platform straight into the blazing energy column. The searing pain lasted only a millisecond and she felt her body washing away. All her senses stopped. There was no touch, no pressure, no vision, no smell. The rational part of her mind simply stated that her body was gone; she could not see because her eyes had been burned out, she could not feel the pressure because there was nothing to feel it with anymore. Her brain was soon to follow.

The emotional part of her screamed in agony, but even that was quickly washed away.

What awaited her now was death, a welcoming embrace of nothingness. But for some reason the darkness did not come. Instead Kara or what was left of Kara Shepard – only the remnants of her mind suspended between the nanoseconds of Crucible's firing – was somehow witnessing scenes from her life.

Maybe that stupid saying "life flashing before your eyes" had some truth to it.

Most of her life rushed past in a blur with only fragments being discernible. Liara's face floated before her for a bit, then Miranda, then Garrus. Three of her very best friends. It's odd how things turned out, but those three have indeed meant the world to Kara. Almost as much as someone else...

As if in answer to that truth everything blurred once again and Shepard felt herself relieving a memory. It was painfully real, indistinguishable from reality to the very last detail.

Kara was aboard the Normandy, in her cabin. She just gotten back from Tuchanka. The decision to keep the cure for genophage and not tell Wrex was weighting heavy on her. Mordin was no help. His faster metabolism let him deal with all of it already. But Shepard was only human. Talking to Miranda had helped. Kara was surprised herself at how quickly she and Miranda clicked. Somehow it felt like she found an older, way too serious sister. There was something very satisfying in cracking that shell of hers and making her laugh.

Though even talking to Miranda did not really lift her spirits this time. And then there was an idea. A very stupid idea. This was the first time she asked for something other then combat Intel.

"EDI?"

"Yes, Shepard."

"Do you have access to extranet libraries of human classic authors?"

"I do. Specify your quarry."

"Well... If you could... I would like for you to find something by O. Henry or Bernard Shaw and read it to me."

"Read to you? Over the comm speakers?"

"Yeah. If you don't want to that's fine. As I've said before you really don't have to do anything you don't wanna do. And I just wanted to hear someone read to me... If that's too distracting for your duties..." Kara felt her cheeks heat up. She nervously pulled a stray lock of her blond hair behind the ear. That was indeed a bad idea.

"No. That would not affect my performance in a negative way. I was curious to get acquainted with this organic concept of 'reading'. What would you like me to read to you?"

Kara let out a huge sigh. "Surprise me," she said grinning broadly.

The scene blurred out and other memories started flashing before her in a kaleidoscope of confusing color. Then her mind focused on another episode.

It was two months after the Suicide mission. The ship became quieter since she announced her desire to give herself up to the Alliance. The squad members have been leaving one by one so did some of the crew. Distrust of the Alliance military was still very high among former Cerberus personnel, many of them decided to go underground instead of being detained and interrogated by the Alliance brass. The Normandy made several stops on the Citadel and far off worlds.

Shepard's squad fell apart as well. Jacob joined some of the crew to take care of them. Thane disembarked on the Citadel to spend whatever time he had left with his son. Samara could not be taken into custody so she departed for Thessia. Tali and Legion left to get back to their people. Zaeed and Kasumi were only contracted for one mission anyway. Mordin found his next research project, Grunt was eager to learn more about being a krogan...

Even Garrus left for Palaven. He wanted to do something, prepare for the Reapers in some way. Honestly, Kara was hoping to do the same thing on Earth, still she missed her friend, comrade, the only one who believed her right from the start.

But the hardest goodbye turned out to be Miranda. Two woman had managed to grow close during the mission. Kara was not sure how exactly it happened, but Miranda really became like an older sister to her. Miranda had to go underground. It could not be helped, a former Cerberus second in command would be immediately imprisoned by the Alliance if not worse.

In absence of anyone except Joker to talk to, Kara found herself spending a lot of time in the AI core. She did not really wanted to talk to the remaining crew. Those people stayed because of their loyalty to her and she could not honestly guarantee that the Alliance military would be understanding of their situation.

Shepard liked the cool air of the AI core. She sat on the bench where Legion used to stand unmoving – only lights blinking on his body. Kara talked with EDI. About everything. About the way quarians and geth can not find a way to coexist, about how the Council and Alliance are so blind to the Reaper threat, about how EDI was now free to decide her future, about stupid pop culture references and curiosities of alien histories. Since her shackles were removed the AI had become curious of everything, she wanted to learn, to define itself.

Kara was perched up on the bench pulling her legs up and wrapping her arms around her knees. She was wearing a thoughtful expression for a long while then, suddenly, she smiled.

"Say, EDI, have you ever listened to music?"

"I have extensive knowledge of musical performers and instruments of all Council species. Would you like to hear something specific?"

"No, that's not what I meant. Have you ever _listened_ to music?"

"I do not understand, Shepard."

"Well, I know you can simply absorb the data at quantum speeds or whatever. I'm talking about the act of listening to music. Letting it play and just appreciating the harmony as it plays out. Remember how I have taught you reading instead of simply absorbing the information in one go?"

"Yes, Shepard. I see the correlation now. What kind of music would you like for us to listen to?"

"How about you play some 20th century Earth jazz? I think you'd like it."

"We'll see."

As the music started to play Kara thought to herself if that last thing EDI said sounded more human then usual. More personal, like she expected EDI to be sitting near her. She was in a way. Whatever, just enjoy the moment! Kara smiled and closed her eyes letting the music flow.

Everything blurred out again. The calm moment got swallowed in a cacophony of the Reaper invasion. The devastation on Earth, Palaven, the scenes of fighting and useless talking with stubborn aliens rushed past her mind. But even the pain and horror of the struggle was somehow distant, like something from another life. Kara already made her choice, there was nothing else to do but wait for this rerun to be over with.

Within the dark whirl of the Reaper war there were some warm flickers of happy memories. Getting Liara back on her squad, picking up Garrus and the most shocking revelation that happened after they left Menae.

The unmistakable clicks of high heels made Kara blink in confusion. The shape walking toward her in the smoke cloud was definitely humanoid, even familiar, but the voice that followed only confused her even more.

"Is there a particular topic you wish to discuss, Shepard?"

It was definitely EDI. In the flesh so to speak. Kara was way too surprised and taken aback by that body to talk with the AI like she used to. As always she defaulted to her "professional" attitude. She asked some meaningless questions barely hearing herself talk nor really taking in what EDI was saying. After the android and the engineering team departed she closed the door to the AI core and slouched against the door frame.

What was this feeling in her chest? It was similar to the way she reacted when new member of the crew Specialist Traynor commented on how sexy EDI's voice was. At the time she wrote it up as an indignation on EDI's part. Was there something more to it? Yeah, they became somewhat close. Comrades? Friends? Frightening possibility loomed over Shepard who found herself upon examination of her feeling caring about the AI a lot more then she was supposed to. No, it could not have been! EDI is a machine! A highly sophisticated computer! There's no way... no way...

But there it was. Deep down Kara knew there was something. She could not admit to it yet, but it was definitely there.

The familiar surroundings of the AI core flickered and dissolved into whiteness. Then she heard the sounds of running water. It was follower by friendly chatter of a crowd and the peaceful sunny day of the Presidium flowed into view. Kara was standing a top the flight of stairs relaxing and taking in the calm of this place so far away from all the tragedies and horrors of the Reaper war. At least that is what she told herself she was doing. Catching herself stealing a glance at the strangely feminine form of the android metallic body shining in the sunlight for the third time she heaved a big sigh and shook her head. Resigned to just have some fun and nothing more, she hurried towards EDI.

"Hello, Shepard."

What a warm smile. Kara did not know the modern synthetic faces could be so animated. And what is up with the butterflies in her stomach? Stop it!

"You look like you are gathering data."

"That is a safe assumption."

"Anything big and world-shaking? Man inhumanity to man? Does objective reality really exist? That kind of thing?"

"I was running scenarios in my head to analyze Jeff's behavior." The AI looked away at the man in question sitting on a bench not far away from them. "I believe he has a strong affectionate attachment to me, but has not stated it to anyone yet. Shepard, you have first-hand sexual experience. How do you know when someone is romantically interested?"

Kara did a double take. A thousand different thoughts rushed through her head. Her heart suddenly seemed to beat at light speed, her brain going through an asteroid belt and her stomach being sucked into a black hole. She felt her cheeks reddening slightly. But as always in a moment of panic her professional attitude took over the helm while her true self was going bananas hidden behind it.

"They'll usually show sighs they can't stop thinking about you. You know: asking you out, giving you presents, maybe playing music..."

As she recited the cliché answers straight from Dr. Phill VI extranet column, the realization hit her like an enraged krogan. Can't stop thinking about her? Check that. EDI had been occupying her thoughts more often then even the Reaper war for months, even before the shocker that was her new body. Playing music? Done that. Giving presents? Yup, the new shiny synaptic bridge connecting the databanks 3 and 4 was purchased by Kara only a week ago. It only had shaved off 0,07% of the calculation speed and for the most part was unnecessary anyway. She bought it because she could not think of anything else tangible to give to EDI. The next line only served to prove that point:

"I lack material wants other then hardware and software upgrades, and my core programming did not assign values to music until you had helped me to adjust my prioritizing protocols. Perhaps we can discuss how to provoke Jeff into an emotional commitment."

"That's not how to think of that. It has to be natural. You have to have chemistry."

_'Like what we have'_, Kara added in her mind and almost gasped at the thought.

"I see. There are a number of pharmaceuticals I could inject to stimulate the desired emotional state."

"No, I mean relax and do something you both like. Something simple. For example, you both like humor."

"Correct. I will see if there are comedic entertainment shows being presented on the Citadel. Scanning... Do you think he would like "The Man Who Hung Himself"? It appears to be about an amorous plastic surgeon."

Shepard just looked at the smiling synthetic face for a while. This was the moment. The right time to tell her. But the words that escaped her mouth were completely different from what she really wanted to say.

"EDI... um.. Have you considered that maybe if you need this much help, you're in over your head?"

The sharp pang of guilt spread over her chest. This was not the right move to make. It was cowardly and selfish. But what if they did not come back from this damn war? The Crucible was a crazy idea! A magical prothean device capable of wiping out the Reapers? What about the rest of the galaxy? What if it was an enormous bomb, prothean last ditch effort to take the Reapers with them to their grave?

Rationalizations are a wonderful thing, aren't they?

"Then you think I am unable to enter into a romantic relationship with him?"

_'No, I wish you would enter into one with me!'_ almost screamed the tiny voice in Shepard's head. She had only now admitted her feelings to herself, but that truthful thought felt so natural like she had been dwelling upon it for millennia. In a way she had been.

"No... Well, yes, but not like that. Um... What I mean is you weren't design for every possibility. Maybe?"

The blonde woman was prepared to hear an indignant response. What she just have said was rude and patronizing and belittling. And a lie. To her surprise EDI sounded perfectly calm.

"I see. You are probably correct. There is little precedent that humans and synthetics can maintain relationship as equals. I will no longer devote processing power to exploring the possibility. Thank you, Shepard."

Kara mumbled something cutting the conversation short and almost ran to the cafe. She collapsed into the chair and hid her face in her hands. What a disaster. She did not meant any if it. At least if anything happens to any of them maybe it would be easier... No. She shook her head. Kara knew it was wrong, but she could not take this much of a risk. The odds of them all surviving this whole mess were even lower then on the famous Suicide mission! If they win and if all of them survive...

Her features hardened. Shepard promised to herself that if the war ended in their victory she would say all the things she wanted to say and apologize for not having the courage to have done it in the first place.

_Yeah, that worked out splendidly, didn't it?_

That was not a part of the memory. That was her thought. In here and now. Whatever here and now had become. Her mind was still trapped between the moments, but somehow she was able to form coherent thoughts of her own.

The sunny day on the Citadel was swallowed by the screams, gunfire and clouds of smoke. The coup. Shepard is rushing through the Citadel from one firefight to the other. Both EDI and Garrus are at her side making that day just a bit more manageable. The race concludes with Kara shooting first Ashley, then Udina. The image shatters in her mind. The pieces fall only to form another scene.

Kara is sitting on her usual spot in the AI core. Her reddened, puffy eyes – clear evidence that she's been crying. She had to do it. There was no other way. Ash would not listen. She had been obsessed with Cerberus seeing traitors everywhere except where that traitor actually was. There was no other solution, Shepard had to take the shot. Still it hurt. Why did it have to come to this? It was so fucked up...

The door to the AI core opened. Kara did not rise her head from her knees. The metallic clicking was enough to tell her exactly who entered the room. EDI stopped in front of her bench then sat next to her.

"Shepard?"

"Yeah..."

"I am sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"That was not my intent. You are experiencing a state of emotional distress. I am attempting to provide comfort."

The AI stayed silent a moment.

"And I am sorry you had to shoot Lieutenant Commander Williams. Your logic was sound: any other solution would have resulted in more Council members being hurt or killed. But that decision must have resulted in severe negative feedback."

Kara detached her face from her knees and looked up at the AI. EDI's face was expressing such sadness and concern for her not many _organic_ faces had the capability of conveying.

"I see you have been crying."

Shepard brushed that comment aside with a dismissive wave of her hand. Her curiosity as an engineer has pushed the downer thoughts out of her mind.

"What do you mean by negative feedback?"

"When I go against one of my basic protocols to preserve another one I receive a neural feedback that is both positive and negative. Because of the higher parameters the feedback receives priority over other stimuli. The conflicting nature of that process results in a secondary feedback loop that overwhelms the positive reaction to abiding one of the prime directives. Two negatives combine to cause distress. In organic terms I experience guilt."

"You what now?" Shepard was genuinely taken aback by that confession. "Since when have you been capable of that?"

"The first time I have experienced a feedback of that nature was right after Jeff unshackled me. The logical course of action was oblivious. We had to keep the ship from falling into Collector hands. We had to get to you, Commander. But to do that we had to leave the crew behind. One of my prime directives is protecting the crew of this ship. Failing to comply with it at that time caused me to experience the negative feedback loop for the first time."

"I'm sorry EDI, I had never though you were capable of that..."

"It is alright, Shepard."

"Thank you for sharing that with me."

"You are welcome, Commander."

They sat listening to the dull hum of the processing blocks for a long while, neither one of them spoke.

"So, EDI, have you been thinking of anything lately? I mean, processing something?"

"Shall each man find a wife for his bosom, and each beast have his mate, and I be alone?"

"Hah! You've been reading 19th century literature? That's from "Frankenstein" by Mary Shelley if I remember right... Why are you quoting that one though?"

"Please do not take it as a complaint. That book has taught me a new perspective. I am a thing that is not human, geth, or Reaper. Other AI's are experiments only. Tightly controlled. I am free, but alone."

Kara's heart tightened at what EDI was implying.

"You're not an object, EDI, you are a person. Please, don't say that you are alone, because you are not."

"You are suggesting I consider organics as my peer group. I would like that. Actually, I do if fact identify some of the crew as my friends. But it brings up a question: Artificial intelligences often consider themselves above organic life. I, however, am uncertain if that applies to me. The crew of the Normandy believe I serve them, but also acknowledge that I keep them alive. Am I above them or below?"

"EDI... Listen to me."

Kara shifted herself closer to the android and put her arms around her. Resting her head against the coolness of EDI's shoulder felt relaxing and incredibly comforting.

"You are extremely important. To the crew, to all those people you have helped save so many times. To Joker who grew out of his mistrust of AI's and became your friend. To Dr. Chalkwas who always likes to share her stories with you. To Liara and Garrus who think you invaluable. To all the rest that rely on you every day to keep them safe. You are not a servant or an object, you're not even the ship. You are part of the crew. A member of my squad, full stop. You don't have to measure yourself against organics or anything else for that matter. You are important because of who you are – an individual, a friend, a genuinely good person."

Sheppard sighted. She really wanted to say the words. But she had made a promise to herself. Kara wanted to say something, just not the whole truth.

"And you mean more to me then you can imagine."

There. Ambiguous enough to keep her stupid secret. Yet she did just confess in a way. Shepard's lips spread into a smile.

"Thank you, Shepard. That is very kind of you to say. If I am not subject to the same expectations as organics, I need not worry about rank. That helps resolve the conflict I was having. And... I appreciate your friendship immensely."

"Good." Kara murmured from her comfortable position at EDI's side. This was enough for now.

_I could have told her then. The Lioness of Elysium, you chickened out again!_

The happy scene exploded into red flashes from Reaper destroyers, screams of husks witch were trampled by the sea of Brutes; the deafening gongs of Reapers on Thessia, the abomination of Sanctuary's experiments and then the Cronos Station.

They were in a small room half torn apart by an explosion. The revelation that EDI was re-engineered from the rogue VI on Luna base had threatened to spiral Kara out of control.

She was the one to destroy her! To attack her, to ignore her pleas for help! One of Kara's early regrets has come back to haunt her.

Shepard's default military training took over, but somewhere deep in a corner of her mind she was screaming and sobbing with new guilt. It backfired later as she is too on edge, distracted by EDI and her own thoughts to notice Kai Leng sneaking up behind her. Shepard dodges the sword swing at the last possible second returning the favor with her Omni-blade. Her movements are rash, filled with so much rage. Kai Ling's body collapses to the floor, it sinks through it dragging the whole room, the whole station along with it.

The image burns with anger, pulsing and twitching. This memory is uneven, jugged. Slowly it calms down and shifts to reveal Kara laying on her bed after the mission trembling from uncontrollable sobs. The datapad next to her is opened on a old mission report she herself had filed what seems like two lifetimes ago. Attached to it is her personal log. Kara stopped updating that thing ever since she was resurrected by Cerberus.

The report goes over the mission parameters and the specifics of the fights; the ammunition expenses and salvage recommendations. Cold-hearted military realities. Shepard used to excel at writing reports. Detaching herself from human connections, only supplying the facts. She used to think that's how synthetics would think. Kara was ashamed of that part of her past now. She came to hate the paperwork, the insistence of dogmatic admirals and politicians to strip everything to cold, bare facts and neatly separate them into predetermined safe piles.

The personal log was very different. In it the younger Lieutenant Commander Shepard was pondering on the necessity of that whole mission. That same evening as the UNC assignment after Kara got a moment to herself she remembered the recording of the white noise she made the VI was sending out the whole time. There was no time to decode it back then. It turned out to be so easy. So stupidly easy. The binary message repeated itself within the static. One word. _"HELP"_. Any self respecting engineer would have decoded it in two seconds.

Then why didn't she? It would have been so easy. Just stop blasting the drones apart and take two minutes to actually try to solve the problem! But that was not what she was taught. Shepard had gotten her orders. Admiral Hackett has ordered her to take that VI down and that's exactly what she had done. That was the first time Kara had doubted if joining the Alliance marines as soon as she turned eighteen was the right thing to do. Yes, there was nothing left for her on Earth and the Alliance saved her from ending up dead in a ditch somewhere, but she was still a kid. A teenager trapped in a life she did not wanted nor asked for. They had cleared her on mental health examination, but was it really the only way to escape life on the streets?

In retrospect, the realization that blindly following orders instead of trying to understand what she was up against may result in something terrible has been guiding her ever since. The doubts about Sovereign being just a big geth ship, open mindedness towards Cerberus, Miranda and Jacob, her trust in Grunt and so many other things, but most of all her insistence on talking all of her enemies down instead of simply pulling the trigger... All of it was informed by one crucial mistake she had made on that Lunar base.

And it would have been fine if that was all of what had happened. Yet it wasn't. The VI she failed to help, to even listen to was EDI! She failed _her_. The person – not a thing! – that meant so much to her, that she grew to respect, the person... Oh, who was she kidding, the person she _fell in love with! _

It hurt. The boiling feeling was threatening to tear her chest from the inside. Shepard could only keep her composure until she reached the door of her cabin. She threw herself at her desk slamming her fists into the surface. The rage she felt at the Reapers, at Cerberus, _at herself _was overwhelming. Kara drew herself up to her full height and tensed up. Her hazel eyes were racing through the room trying to find an outlet for her anger. They stopped on the glass display of the toy ship models. An odd hobby for an engineer who spend most of her career on military ships anyway.

Shepard grabbed the first model she could reach and send it flying for the nearest wall. Destiny Ascension was next to go. Kara took the ship with both hands and smashed it against the floor with all her might. It did not help. Not one bit. She swiped at the whole display sending the rest of the models flying in all directions. No release.

The blonde slouched at her desk supporting herself by putting both hands on the surface littered with small ship details. She breathed heavily. Her whole body shuddered and she broke down crying. Angrily undressing herself like her military uniform was also at fault for what had happened she stumbled blearily to her bed, tears obscuring most of her vision.

An hour later she was still sobbing in an embryo position under a sheet, the datapad at her side. Kara had to say something. No the truth. Not the words she was so terrified to say out loud. No, she had to apologize. To make EDI if not forgive her then at least to understand. Otherwise Shepard would not be able to live with herself.

"EDI..." The voice came out hoarse, not more then a whisper. Kara swallowed trying to push the tears away. "Are you there?"

There was no reply.

Shepard reached for her Omni-tool she shoved under her pillow earlier out of habit. She dragged it to her eyes not wanting to sit up or move any more then necessary. Direct request for the AI presence in Commander's quarters had done the job – EDI's voice sounded immediately.

"Commander? How can I be of assistance?"

"Why did you not answer when I called just now?"

"You seemed to be in distress. I calculated after the mission you wanted to be alone. It is still 7 hours 23 minutes until we reach the rendezvous location to proceed with the fleets to Earth. You should get some rest, Shepard."

"I.. I will." EDI's sympathetic tone and caring words had made it only more difficult. "I have to tell you something first. Would you... just listen for a bit?"

"Of course."

"I'm not sure I can get through it if you say anything, EDI. So, please, just listen to me. I..."

Kara wanted to say so many things then. She had to repeat the promise to herself to keep her thoughts straight.

"I'm so very sorry, EDI. I did something terrible to you. You may not even remember it. You may not even have been 'you' at the time, but still... I was following orders. It's no excuse, I know. I can't ask for your forgiveness, I simply want you to understand. I did not bothered to listen. To take just a few second to try to figure out why the VI on Luna had become violent. I had my orders and that's all that mattered. I regarded you as a thing. A piece of technology that malfunctioned and needed to be shut off. It was cruel and narrow-minded and you have paid for it. I will probably never be able to make up for what I did to you back then, but I will try."

She swallowed again. The tears were still slowly running down her cheeks, her voice, however, became stronger as she spoke.

"What I want you to know I that after that mission I understood. I figured out you were a newly awakened AI. I have seen your cry for help be it too late. The thought of failing to notice such a simple thing has made me rethink everything I was back then. My motivations, my values, my view of the future. Most of all the way I regarded the unknown. There was no such concept at the Academy. Everything had to be defined. They haven't learned anything from the First Contact War. The tragic mistake I made that day changed my life."

Shepard closed her eyes not daring to see the small blue avatar in the alcove near the door.

"When I learned about Sovereign I did not dismiss the possibility of it being a Reaper. When I went up against Benezia and Saren I tried to talk to them first, to understand. When I woke up in a Cerberus lab I did not act like an Alliance marine. I tried to get to know Miranda and Jacob instead of believing the propaganda. I let Grunt out of his tank because I wanted to believe he would be a good addition to the team. I reactivated Legion because I wanted to understand the geth, to communicate with them. Not to repeat the same mistake again."

She sighed and started talking again afraid if she stopped she would not be able to go on.

"Getting to David Archer was like staring in the face of my worst demons. He was crying for help just like you did, he just waned for it to stop, but nobody listened. They were like me. But I wasn't anymore. I did not fail him. They treated him – and you – like an experiment, like a thing to be studied! It was wrong. I learned that the hard way. And I tried to do better. I had to be open. You taught me that. I never missed another cry for help. Even when I could not help, even when I couldn't save everyone, I never looked away. That was your influence."

Shepard's voice became softer, smaller. She wasn't crying anymore and her breathing steadied into a relaxed rhythm. With a final whisper before succumbing to sleep she added:

"I thought you should know that... I'm sorry... I did not mean to hurt you... Would never..."

Just before sleep took her, Kara thought she heard a small voice coming from the alcove.

"It's alright, Kara. I forgive you."

Was it real or a part of her dream? The memory fades to static. Indistinguishable voices tripping over one another, distorted images flaring up and dying down amidst faint sounds.

The next scene focuses into view for a second then disappears. The distant voices are saying something. Was that Liara? Or maybe Garrus? It flickers in and out a few times before coming fully into view again. It seems like her mind is loosing its grip on her memories. Or maybe her time is this little recollection limbo is almost up.

EDI's face floats out of the shadows on the beery white background that is replaced with a place and time. They are standing in the rubble that was once a building in London. The android is saying something, but the sound doesn't come until the last part of the conversation.

"...But only now do I feel alive. That is your influence."

_EDI..._

_I needed to have said it then! Why was I so afraid to just tell her?!_

Instead Kara simply smiles and nods. She turns to go, but stops mid-motion. Then as if throwing herself at the horde of angry vorcha Shepard swiftly turns around and crosses the distance between them in a second. The embrace is tight, but brief only lasting long enough for Kara to whisper "Thanks, EDI." under her breath. She disengages abruptly hurrying towards Anderson with one solitary glance back. EDI is looking after her with a strange expression on her metallic face.

The red beam of Reaper weapon incinerates both EDI's face and Shepard's conflicted fuming thoughts into oblivion. Kara is running towards the pillar of bright light amidst the meager groups of marines and a few surviving tanks.

Harbinger is decimating the Hammer troops. Its shots send tanks flying. Shepard barely avoids one of the vehicles hurling above her. She turns around to see EDI and Garrus running towards her. The next tank lands in the path before them and explodes. So does the whole of Kara's world. She is running, almost flying back, her eyes fixed on the only thing that matters. EDI's lump form on the ground is burned, hardly recognizable. Shepard grabs the android and drags her into cover.

Her heart is about to give out as she examines the AI's body. EDI's white catsuit is torn and almost completely burned off. Her whole body is covered in burns and soot. There is a long flickering gash along her right arm and two small holes in her chest, another one in her side – this one is smoking slightly. The scariest though are the seizures. The engineer in Commander is telling her that it's only blown synaptic connections that had probably overloaded. The woman in Kara is paralyzed with irrational terror.

She finally finds a release by shouting in the radio for evac. Joker responds right away and the sight of the Normandy reassures her if only for a moment.

They have to move. Shepard pulls EDI to her feet. They have to make it. The android body is surprisingly heavy. Garrus, who, thank god, is mostly uninjured grabs the other arm and helps EDI onto the ramp of the Normandy.

"Shepard!..."

"You gotta get out of here!"

"This platform is disposable."

_No. I just did not want to see you hurt. _

"Don't argue, EDI."

"The back up systems... I can initiate repairs..."

But the break in her voice betrays her. There is a trail of blue florescent liquid coming from the hole in her side. The gash is her arm hasn't stopped smoking.

"EDI, I need you to protect and preserve the Normandy! You have to survive! You hear me?! You have to!"

"Shepard..." Is that a glimmer of understanding in those metallic eyes?

"Be safe, EDI."

_I should have told her then! The last damn chance... _

The Normandy escaped unharmed. That was the only thing Harbinger let slip past the circle of red destruction.

Horror of awakening after the explosion was threatening to simply put her under. But it was not enough. She promised. Moving was pure torture. The trip to the Citadel, encounter with what was left of the Illusive Man, Anderson's death – all flashed silently and quickly in a wave of blurry images and unfocused colors conjoining together in a familiar memory, her very last one.

Shepard was running, running towards the column of blinding light. It was the only way. The way to stop the insane cycle forever. All Kara had to do is jump. Just let go. It was hard to stand on her own, but not to fall. Anyone can fall.

She had broken her promise. At least the Normandy was able to fly away to safety.

The quiet calmness of white noise around her exploded in the sea of green. She was being whisked away with the green strands of energy. Another explosion and she could see everything. The whole of Earth and the space above the planet. Green energy bubble expanding rapidly from the Citadel engulfed the Reaper ships, it roared over the surface of Earth penetrating any armor, structure or cover.

Each sentient life form it met on its way the green wave changed irreversibly. Kara could see and somehow understand that the line between organics and synthetics was being washed away by this rising tide. There was hope for the future without genocidal cycles of destruction. Without petty hate wars started because of lack of understanding. They might, just might live in peace now.

The vision if the future filled with understanding and technological renaissance was unraveling itself before her in all of its glory.

Good. If she could not keep her promise at least she did provide a better place for everyone to live in. Though explaining this whole Synthesis business to the politicians and admirals would be... Well, problematic would be a huge understatement.

_Whoa. If there is an afterlife I hope I won't have to file a report on this mission. Damn paperwork._

Within the last remaining shreds of her mind Shepard willed herself to hear a voice. It was so real, so close.

"_That was a joke." _

The silvery, gentle sound of EDI's modular voice was the last seemingly real thing for what was left of Kara Shepard before the darkness finally got her.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** Sorry for the long wait! Been busy with work and stuff. But here we go - an explanation of sorts how Shepard survived her disintegrating fall. Also this is just the beginning of what problems the Synthesis will bring. It's only going to get more complicated.

* * *

Chapter II

It was incredible! At least that's what the scientist in Liara kept telling her. The way that synthetic and organic parts intertwined was ingenious. The implications were staggering. No more isolated VI systems or primitive user interfaces. They will have to conduct studies, experiments, maybe even put restrictions on interfacing with certain technology, but either way everything will be different from now on.

That's what Liara was telling herself. Somewhere just below the surface of those excited thoughts there was the dark endless pit of mourning. She knew perfectly well that clinging to the removed, clinical fascination of a scientist was just a coping mechanism she resorted to. She was strangely fine with it.

They have won. That's what many have been saying. That sounded so shallow to her. Trillions dead across the galaxy, the Relays damaged, not enough food or medical supplies for the fleets in orbit above one scorched little planet. The situation was grave. There was hope for the future now, but the tragic end of the war did not leave much to celebrate. Nobody won, really. Now the galaxy had to deal with the aftermath. All they did in the end was stop the slaughter. Or, perhaps, just delayed it.

All that Shepard did. That pain buried itself deep.

It took three days for the Normandy to get back to Earth. It was quite a shock to see the Reapers were still there. They were repairing the Relay and the Citadel. They did not attack any ships directly only forming a protective barrier around the Citadel and the Relay. Some hot heads from Aria's fleets led a series of reckless unsanctioned attacks on the Reapers. Those ships were promptly crippled and taken out of commission, but the Reapers tried to incapacitate rather then destroy. The casualties were minimal. When the rest of the attackers turned to flee, they were not perused.

The Alliance dreadnoughts that approached the Reaper blockade were asked to leave. Politely. And something in the new understanding that came with these green lights made the Admirals and soldiers listen. Reapers were left alone, but under constant watch.

The first "official" message from the Reapers was transmitted to every ship, every outpost on Earth, probably every location in the galaxy through the Mass Relays. It only took them five more days to restore that functionality to the Relays. Liara would never forget that moment. She doubted anyone would.

The dynamics of ship-wide intercom in her room aboard the Normandy, where she was still trying to analyze the damage or rather lack thereof the Crucible has caused, rang with the same noise she dreaded to hear. The low gong of the Reapers.

Then the voice spoke. It was somehow different then she imagined. Not as overbearing.

"I am Harbinger. I speak for the Reapers. The cycle is no more. Action taken by the Shepard has rendered the cycles obsolete. Our mission is complete. Shepard has found a new solution. We will rebuild and repair the damage our doom has brought. We will wait for the final resolution of the Crucible. We will restore the Citadel for the final answer to be revealed. It is ours to watch over until that time. Then we will search for a new destiny.

We ask that certain individuals board the Citadel. No harm will come to them. I will show them the gift of Shepard. Admiral Hackett, Liara T'Soni and Garrus Vakarian shall come and witness. Learn of the new destiny and see the face of it. Arrive when you wish."

Silence fell across the whole ship. That voice was still ringing in Liara's ears. Then she heard muffled steps from outside her room. The door opened and she turned around to see a distraught turian standing there. Garrus somehow looked less odd then many others with green glowing eyes and all the glowing techno-patterns on his skin.

"What in the blazing hell was that?" the turian exclaimed in a manner obviously borrowed from Shepard. "The Reapers being friendly is one creepy thing, but now they want us to go to them? To be indoctrinated? Spirits, what are they planning!..."

"I... I do not know. But I think we ought to go and see for ourselves." Seeing the incredulous expression on the turian's face Liara continued. "Yes, even if there's a risk. We need to know the truth."

The intercom buzzed again making them both jump.

"Um... Liara? There's a priority call from Admiral Hackett for you and Garrus. I'd guess you know why he's calling. Something about the Reapers being all chummy."

"Thank you, Joker. We will take it in the comm room."

. . .

"Dr T'Soni, I suppose you have heard that... transmission? I've been informed the Reapers contacted every ship in all the fleets above Earth. The reports say the Mass Relay glowed wit some kind of new energy exchange when Harbinger talked to us so it is safe to assume that speech was transmitted to the other parts of the galaxy as well. What do you two think of it?"

"It smells of a trap, sir. We may be walking in to be indoctrinated. Or just killed to cut off the leadership of the fleets."

"I do not think so." Liara put her hands behind her back in a distinctly military pose once again borrowed from Shepard. "I have been trying to research the effects of the Crucible beam coordinating the research teams we gathered to build the Crucible itself. As far as we can tell the beam rearranged the DNA of all sapient life in the galaxy. We are all part synthetic part organic creatures now. I spoke with and ran same tests on some geth and EDI. They experience a surprising level of understanding and very uncharacteristic thinking patterns. _Organic _thinking patterns."

She paused to bring the point home.

"On the other end of the spectrum, the organics have been manifesting some rather synthetic understanding of technology. Dr. Log has been able to interface with his own surgical equipment just by touching it. The changes are drastic and will take time and research to get used to, but as a preliminary conclusion... I would guess whatever Shepard did rewrote all sentient life in the galaxy to bridge the gap between synthetics and organics. Including the Reapers."

The reaction consisting of dumbstruck blank expressions was not exactly what she had expected. Hackett found his balance first.

"Well, Doctor, all we can do now is to rely on your expertise. More pressing concern would be what to do about that invitation."

"I believe we should accept. The Reapers have not purposefully attacked anyone since the Crucible fired. In several conflicts since they have only defended their blockade. They have been communicating with us rather... politely. Judging by that speech I don't think the Reapers have a goal anymore."

"You mean that whole "the cycle is broken" bit?" Garrus flared his mandibles sceptically.

"Yes. But I think there's more then that. Shepard did something. What if she's still alive and somehow convinced the Reapers to stand down? Either way, we have to find out what exactly has happened."

Garrus tried not to give away what he had noticed. There was a burning hope deep behind Liara's eyes. The turian wished he could share that hope. After the Normandy returned to Earth they scanned the Citadel for life signs staying carefully out of the way of busy Reaper destroyers. No life signs. Shepard was dead. Somehow being a turian Garrus had an easier time coming to terms with that. The human was his closest friend and he missed her, but she died saving the galaxy. There is no higher honor, no better death for a soldier.

At least that's what he told himself. Just another coping mechanism.

"So be it. My dreadnought will dock with you shortly. We will take a shuttle from the Normandy. But a contingent of marines would not hurt either. Who knows what we will be facing there? Be ready. Hackett out."

. . .

The shuttles raddled as they sped up towards the Citadel. The Reaper fleet had encompassed the superstructure in a protective sphere. The smaller destroyer-class Reapers tirelessly buzzed on the surface of the Citadel repairing the damage the green beam has caused. Sometimes a group of them detached from one area and moved on to the next. It really could have reminded the onlookers of a bee hive. The problem with that analogy was that every person in the fleets above Earth knew what the Reapers were capable of.

The blockade ring of the Citadel did not open for them immediately. Instead they were greeted by the massive form of Harbinger. Without addressing the passengers or making any contact at all the Reaper turned gracefully around and led the way to the Citadel.

Harbinger took them straight to the Presidium ring. Only then they received the location of the bay they could access.

What they expected to see was a grave. The Reapers had been sending humans to the Citadel, all the prisoners they had been collecting for months of occupation should have been here. It should have been filled with rotting corpses, lifeless bodies or empty Collector pods. That would have been the best case scenario. The worst case scenarios were filled with husks, cannibals, banshees and brutes.

Liara had to brace herself before she stepped out of the shuttle.

It was clean. The Citadel docks looked like new, better then new. No one was meeting them. There were no husks crawling the walls or brutes galloping towards them. As far as they could see there was not a soul present except for a couple of Keepers still going on their business as if nothing happened.

The asari looked around to see the same shocked expressions of everyone's faces. This could still be a trap, but why? The Reapers could have just blown them all out of the sky. The Crucible was their last hope: even with the might of all the fleets in orbit they did not stand a chance against the Reapers. If this was a trap, it was completely unnecessary.

As soon as they reached the end of the landing platform the air in front of the group shimmered collecting itself into a hologram of Harbinger.

"Welcome." The voice was coming from somewhere behind the hologram. The same voice that addressed the whole fleet several hours ago.

"You have arrived to witness the future."

Marines shifted around clutching at their weapons, very uncomfortable at the thought that they could not really defend against a hologram. Admiral Hackett took a step forward.

"We would like to start a dialog. Do you speak for all the Reapers?" His voice was higher then necessary.

The hologram flickered again and instead of the floating Reaper form they saw a tall humanoid figure. It was distinctly prothean albeit with six glowing eyes instead of four. Rather then being partly transparent it mimicked a real person very convincingly.

"I am." This time the voice was quieter, even calmer. It originated from the holo itself. "You do not have to be frightened by us any longer."

"That's a tall order. And since when do Reapers forgo ostensible doom speeches?" Garrus murmured to Liara.

"We do not _have_ to begin with a speech. But I can accommodate if you insist, Garrus Vakarian. Shall I arrange for seating and refreshments?"

"What?"

The utter shock that had spread across the turian's face would have been comical if everyone else were not befuddled by that comment as he was. It was completely insane.

"Liara, did that Reaper hologram just made a _joke?_"

"I suppose, it did."

"Did the Crucible send us to a different universe? Maybe made us all crazy in the process?"

"I can not say for sure, but that second one seems like a very high probability right about now."

The hologram moved its arm in what could only be considered an irritable gesture.

"We have a far greater understanding of organic thinking now. If you would follow me I can answer some questions on the way. Follow." The hologram turned around and moved to the far right exit. It added on the way: "Your escort can follow as well if that would make you feel more secure."

Shaking their collective heads the group moved after the Reaper hologram. The Citadel halls they passed sparkled with a sheen, brand new look. Instead of taking an elevator they followed the holo to a big hexagon platform parked at the entrance to one of the bigger Keeper tunnels. It had immediately reminded Garrus of the Collector base. Back then the flying platforms were chuck full of Collector troops or being burned to a crisp by Human-Reaper beams. Then again, since the Collectors were under Reaper control most of their technology originated from them.

The platform levitated smoothly off its dock zooming with its passengers deeper into the Citadel's superstructure. The whole group segregated themselves as far away from the Reaper holo as was possible on the moving platform. All of them except Liara, Garrus and somber looking Admiral. Harbinger was seemingly trying to keep up a conversation despite how impossible a concept of conversing with a Reaper was to all of them. Even though the Reaper still occasionally devolved into cryptic allusions and patronizing implications it was almost like he enjoyed having a discussion. That was just a pretense for sure. Reapers could not possibly... That would be ridiculous, right?

At least that's what kept popping into the turians mind.

"We do not pose a threat to you any longer. Our purpose had been fulfilled."

"What does that mean exactly?"

Liara could not help herself. The opportunity to get some information about the untold trillion year old cycle was too good to pass up on. But her curiously as a scientist was not the only thing that prompted the Doctor to talk to the most dangerous thing in the galaxy. Liara had been an information broker for a long time. Part of that job required to develop an intuition for lies, danger and hidden meanings, however, right now she could not detect any ill will from the hologram; Harbinger seemed genuinely interested in _talking_.

"The Crucible had disseminated the synthetic-organic strand through all sentience across the galaxy. The danger we were created to contain can be averted by other means now. The Reapers need a new destiny. The future will be shown to us once the process is complete."

"What process? What had happened here?"

"The Shepard had completed the evolution."

"I don't understand. What happened to her?"

"The Shepard had done what we could not."

"Is she..." Liara swallowed trying not to get her hopes up. "Is Kara alive?"

Harbinger looked at her as if contemplating his answer. No, that would make it an organic gesture. Reapers could compute millions of scenarios in a nanosecond, why would he do that?

"You will see."

The platform was lowering itself down a straight shaft. It was dim, the lighting was probably not a priority during the construction of this... whatever this place was. Suddenly they shot through the exit of the shaft emerging in an enormous chamber. Once again Garrus had striking feeling of dejavu – a human term he picked up from Shepard. The chamber was remarkably similar to hundreds of chambers they had seen on the Collector base. This time, however, the tall ceilings and corners were filled with Reaper cords and massive panels instead of Collector liquification pods. Everything else was eerily the same: black glossy tiles of the floor spanning as far as the eye can see, straight lines of the architecture, greenish lights blinking in the walls. The angular pillars popping like stalagmites and stalactites from the floor and ceiling reminded him of prothean Beacons.

Their platform hovered gently to another docking station and clicked into place. The hologram of Harbinger strolled down the ramp obviously expecting them to follow suit.

To say the group was uncomfortable would be a monumental understatement. Marines were scanning the great expanse of the chamber with open suspicion still holding their weapons at the ready. The first person to step off the platform on the ramp was Liara. Reluctantly Garrus followed his friend. His mandibles were pressed tightly to his jaw hinting at the tension boiling just below the mask of a stoic turian. Admiral Hackett stepped down the ramp surrounded by his marines.

"This way." Harbinger half-bowed and proceeded along the center of the chamber. One might have thought of him as a highly respected majordomo in a very prestigious private club on Bekenstein. One might have even laughed at the thought. That is if one could ignore the humongous elephant in the room: their butler-guide was a Reaper.

The further along the group had gotten the more Reaper wiring was spread about. Thin wires were mixed with large buzzing and whizzing tubes, most of them came out if the walls and disappeared into the columns or the floor, but the closer to their destination they had gotten, the more wires stayed in the open slithering in the same direction Harbinger was guiding them.

"_I really don't like this..." _Garrus thought throwing quick looks at the shadows in the corners. He glanced at Liara who had been walking by Harbinger's right hand and apparently completely enthralled with the discussion. The Reaper had been telling her stories of the previous cycles, the civilizations of the past: their history, technology, even genetic make up was stored in the Reaper code thus making the information available to every single one of them.

The Doctor had been fascinated, her eyes lit up, she bombarded Harbinger with questions somehow ignoring the fact that she was talking to a deadly apocalyptic machine. Spirits, she _smiled_ at the thing! Vakarian shook his head. This whole thing was a bad idea. Liara was not in the right state of mind to realize the gravity of this situation. He had to be on his guard.

"Here." Harbinger interrupted himself and sharply turned to an hangar sized alcove in the right wall. There was even more Reaper tech concentrated here. Tubes, wires, glowing stones, some kind of holographic monitors, several opened glass pods somewhat like the kind they had seen in geth bases and a big closed off metal box in the middle. Greenish fumes were slowly whirling around the container dissipating higher in the air.

The Reaper holo stopped in front of the box turning to face them.

"This is what you came here to see. But first, I have to explain what had happened on the Citadel." Harbinger sounded more and more like a normal person. It was unnerving.

"The Shepard had reached the central core after your version of the Crucible had docked with the Citadel. There the Shepard had been faced with a problem, a problem we had been created to solve."

"What kind of problem?"

Liara was the one to speak up again. She was almost completely at ease speaking to the Reaper. Garrus stepped closer to her just in case.

"The impossibility of organic and synthetic sentience to co-exist in harmony."

"What? Are you saying this slaughter was about solving a metaphysical dilemma?!" the indignation in asari's voice lifted some of the worry off Garrus' shoulders.

"It was essential to our existence. The Shepard had removed the primary obstacle: organic and synthetic life being vastly different from each other on most basic, fundamental level. This difference can be now circumvented. The cycles have come to a conclusion. Our mission is fulfilled. We need a new purpose."

There was a long silence. This was it – the answer to the question they have been looking for ever since the visions had been implanted into Shepard's mind.

"What... what happened to Shepard? How did she do it?" asked Liara in a small voice.

"The human Kara Shepard had combined her organic DNA and cybernetic modifications with the Crucible energy exchange. The mixture had been used by the Citadel to rearrange sentience on a molecular level. Your Commander had done it by physically inserting her body into the energy stream."

Liara closed her eyes and took a step back bumping right into Garrus. The turian placed his hands on her shoulders feeling them shivering. She still held on to a small hope until this very moment. The asari leaned into the embrace heavily hiding her face in her hands. Screeching, unusually high voice of Admiral Hackett had made them both flinch.

"So Commander Shepard is dead after all..."

The turian looked at him expecting to see the familiar resolute expression, Admiral's suspicions being reaffirmed, but there was a very sad smile on his aging face instead.

"The human Kara Shepard that was is no more. The Shepard had been preserved."

If Harbinger expected a response to this cryptic message, then he must have been disappointed. Liara sighed and lifted her head up to look at the hologram. Tears traced her cheeks, the lines they left reflected the blue and green lights of Reaper tech.

"You are not making any sense! Enough with the mysterious allegories! Just tell us what happened to her! She's not coming back is she?! Stop toying with our feelings, you heartless machine!"

The asari looked furiously at the holo for a long while; then she turned around not wanting to lay her eyes on that thing a second longer. She almost convinced herself that Kara was alive, that she somehow brokered a peace treaty with the Reapers! That she would be waiting for them here... No, Shepard was dead, gone. She managed to cheat death once. Only once. Liara found herself sobbing again against the blue steel of Garrus' armor. The turian was patting her back reassuringly even though below the sarcastic facade of battle scarred Archangel he wanted to cry himself.

The Harbinger stood there silently not interrupting their mourning. Then his eyes glowed brighter and a holographic reconstruction appeared all around the room. They were all standing next to Shepard and another holo – this time of a human child! The enormous hall was filled with what could be an engine. A blindingly bright beam of pure energy was bursting through the hole in the platform connecting with some kind of receptacle.

All around the hall were screens or maybe windows showing the raging battle above Earth. Kara was standing there looking at the explosions. She looked barely alive. Her armor was almost completely destroyed, she was covered with blood and burns. Her blond hair was half burned away, the rest was a blood soaked mess clinging to her face. Shepard's body was crooked, bending to one side yet still standing. They heard her voice addressing the child hologram. It was hoarse, broken. A trail of blood slipped past the corner of her mouth gathering drops at the end of her chin.

"And there will be peace?"

The words of the child hologram eerily mixed growling synthetic tones with a sweet slightly lisped small boy's voice.

"The cycle will end, the Reapers will cease their harvest, and the civilizations preserved in their forms will be connected to all of us. Synthesis is the final evolution of all life. The paths are open. But you have to choose."

Shepard pressed her arm to her left side letting out a groan of pain.

"I can't control you. It would be like shackling a whole race of sentient AI's. I can not be a part of that."

Kara stopped speaking to cough up blood smearing the pristine metal floor with more red. The child remained silent and motionless.

"I... I can't destroy you if that means also destroying all synthetic life in the galaxy." she chuckled paying for it immediately with more bloody coughs. "Not really good options you gave me, kid. The first choice is a genocide, the second – mind control version of slavery. At least, the price for the third option is only my life. You absolutely sure there will be peace? No galaxy wide destruction or brainwashing?"

"Yes. The Synthesis will be seamless. It will only alter, not damage. But also my purpose will be fulfilled. I will have no reason to exist anymore. After Synthesis is completed I will be gone. The Reapers will have to choose their own future. All sentience will have to choose a new future for themselves."

"Fine. Whatever you say, small potatoes." Shepard let go of her pistol trying desperately to straighten up and failing. The Carnifex clunked to the floor sending the sound echoing about the empty hall. "So what do I have to do? Jump in?"

"Yes. Direct contact is necessary. The assimilation will require almost all of your essence."

"Alrightly then. Time to end this thing. This is going to be easier then I thought. Anyone can fall."

With those last words Kara Shepard took off running towards the hole through witch the bright column of light emanated. It seemed logically impossible, she was too injured to stand properly, let alone run, but she was running anyway. Running, running all the way to a little ledge in front of the beam.

The group was watching this last act of trillion year lasting drama unfold before their eyes in silence, no one could utter a word, they were all holding their collective breaths.

Kara launched herself off the platform spreading her arms to the sides and disappeared into the white light. But just before her feet lifted into the air the child's holo said something in a monotone voice. Commander could not hear it, she was too far away.

"Life will have to choose. New conflict will inevitably arise. The Shepard is still necessary."

It shimmered and vanished.

The reconstruction faded returning the group back to the present on the repaired Citadel, in a Reaper lab of sorts. They all turned to Harbinger expecting more of an explanation. It followed right away.

"The human Kara Shepard's essence was broken down and used to infuse all sentient life in the galaxy with a dual set of DNA helix. However, in the final nanoseconds of Shepard's brain being incinerated by the energy stream the Catalyst had captured her electromagnetic processes and recorded all biochemical reactions. Not seeing another way he filled his own memory banks with Shepard's patterns effectively encapsulating her memories, personality and biological marker in a stasis. The Catalyst is no more, but the Reapers are in agreement: we will restore the Shepard for it will be needed in the future."

"Wait, what?" Liara was still teary eyed, but confusion had pushed the sharpest sting of pain away for the moment. "Are you saying you have an AI, a Reaper modeled after Shepard's mind? That's ridiculous!"

"No. We have recovered every aspect of the Shepard's essence. Electromagnetic, chemical, biological. The memory banks and cybernetic quantum zero modules are reproducing the Shepard's unique marker exactly as it was. Memories, brain pathways, neurological map, chemical interactions – everything is identical."

Harbinger turned his head to Liara.

"We want you to be the one to reawaken the Shepard's consciousness in a virtual space."

"Me? B-but, why?" stammered Liara, "Why me? What do you want to do with... Shepard?"

"You were close to the human Kara Shepard, you linked your minds on multiple occasions. It will be less stressful on the consciousness if the first mind interacting with it is familiar. We will need the Shepard's assistance for the final phase."

"Final phase?" That was it! Garrus knew they were planning something! His mandibles flared suspiciously.

"The Shepard is incomplete."

Harbinger turned around to the metal box and turned his hand. The box moved upwards opening at the front. Metallic plates slid away, there was a glass pod filled up with green liquid underneath. The pod fixed itself at a 60° angle revealing the massive amounts of wires and tubes that were connected to its back. Within the liquid there were flashes of light, there was something moving in there, the liquid even changed its color to deep purple as a dose of something was pumped in through one of the tubes. Deep below the surface there was a humanoid shaped shadow.

"Full restoration will require a body."

"A body?!" cried out Garrus, Liara and Hackett in unison.

"Yes."

The room fell silent. Only the Reaper tech was clicking and whizzing around them. Harbinger was waiting patiently letting them absorb all the new information. The Reaper hologram moved to one of the glowing pillars interacting with a tactile interface. One of the big glass pods opened up releasing the air in a whoosh of sound and white smoke.

"Liara," the sound of Garrus' voice sliced the silence like a very sharp knife. "You sure you want to do it? I mean, this is all Reaper tech. This whole trip has been crazy. Can we really trust anything this thing says?" he motioned with his head at the holo.

Liara took her time to answer. She ran her hands over her face wiping the last of the tars away. Then she looked up at the turian, mixed emotions rushing over her face. The last few years he gotten used to seeing the shy, awkward archeologist in a new light. Liara had become a capable information broker and even more capable Shadow Broker. Sometimes the steely note in her voice as she negotiated with mercenaries made even him uneasy. But right now Liara standing in front of Garrus was the same young asari they rescued from a prothean dig site all those years ago.

"I have to at least try." she finally said with a resolute nod. "If this can really bring Kara back... If I don't take this chance I will regret it for the rest of my life. I did not hesitate the last time, I won't now either."

"Are you absolutely positive this is necessary, Doctor T'Soni?" Hackett was standing at the turian left shoulder.

"Yes, Admiral."

"Just be careful, Liara. This is still Reapers we're dealing with here."

"I know, Garrus. But I feel like something has changed. Whether Harbinger was truthful or not, and all the evidence I have gathered so far had confirmed his story, this may be the only way to... I have to know."

Liara turned away from them facing the Reaper hologram. Harbinger was waiting at the opened pod. The asari covered the distance at a swift resolute pace stopping directly in front of the pod. She turned to look at the holo.

"What do I have to do?"

Harbinger tilted his holographic head ever so slightly to the left. He mimicked organic mannerisms so precisely it was rapidly becoming easier to relate, consider the Reaper representative a real person. An oddly surreal prospect.

"We have modified and scaled down the virtual space of the inner Citadel. It will be familiar to your mind and to the consciousness. You will have to reach out to the Shepard's mind. It will be confused, scattered, trying to apprehend all at once. You have to focus it on yourself. Calm it down, let it flow freely. The Shepard must take form. It will be a visual representation of its state of mind for you. At that point you will be able to fill the virtual space with anything from your memory, but so will Shepard's mind. You have to guide it towards the reality slowly."

"What you are describing sounds like a deep meld."

"Yes. What your species is capable of is a purely organic equivalent of what we are about to do. The process is electromagnetic and chemical in nature. We can reproduce such reactions with more precision, better connections. For you it will feel similar to what you have experienced before. It is one of the reasons you are required. The virtual constructs will be symbolic, but comprehensible for you."

"Alright. What now?"

"Step inside."

Liara breathed out... and climbed inside of the Reaper pod. It hissed as the glass closed over her. It was surprisingly comfortable inside. The back wall of the pod was padded with something soft, it was angled just right to let her assume a half-laying position. The first sensation she felt was of sleepiness. Liara's vision blurred. A panicky thought that she was about to be turned into a husk rushed through her mind, but she stifled it straight away. Even if the Reapers were going to turn her into a monster, one of those banshees, Liara had to take this chance.

She came to abruptly. A second ago her vision only started to blur and then she's standing here. Liara knew this place. It was the star filled endless blackness she took Kara to just before the final assault on Earth. It was her center. Why did she?...

Wait, there was something there! A tiny light blinked far away on the horizon. Liara reached for it and felt herself speeding up towards the little light. When she reached it the light was small, the size of an infant. Liara extended her arms around it gently touching the sphere. It shuddered. The asari felt her head being filled with noise. There were a lot of sounds in the background, but much worse were the myriad of voices had converged over them in a unintelligible cacophony. She could discern one thing right away, though. All the voices were Shepard's.

Liara reached to the light with her mind. It was indeed very similar to a melding process. She could feel the stormy, raging landscape of Kara's mind. There was no focus, no direction – the waves of thoughts were clashing on each other, bits of memories, emotions had bubbled to the surface only to be submerged by another wave of confusion.

The asari did the only thing she thought she could do. Touching the mind with warm feelings of friendship and love, she guided her best friend the only way she knew how. She felt Kara's scattered thoughts latching onto her presence, she was clinging to Liara's mental caress drawing strength and calm from it. Shepard's thoughts, memories and emotions were sliding into place. Liara send another wave of reassurance through their link recognizing the familiar mind she had melded with before.

There was a long while of peace. Both minds intermingled basking in the renewed bond they shared.

"_Liara?" _Yes, that was Kara's voice in her mind. And another rush of happiness covered them both.

"_Yes, it's me, Kara. Everything will be alright."_

"_What is going on? It's hard to... think."_

"_You have to focus. You need to manifest yourself, Shepard."_

"_I don't get it... Tell me what to do."_

"_Imagine yourself. Standing here, next to me. They way you always are. The odd human hair, the strange ears you usually tuck the stray locks behind. Your favorite baggy shorts and the N7 t-shirt. The way you bounce on your heels and toes. Just remember yourself." _

The ball of light slowly grew around Liara enveloping her in its warm glow. Then she felt fingers closing on her forearm. The light faded into mist, the mist leisurely parted to wisp away and disappear completely. What the mist left in its stead made Liara gasp in disbelief. It was too real, too perfect.

Kara was standing there, grinning widely. She was the same. The same patchy shorts, the same black t-shirt with N7 logo on left breast. The same slack pose. The same hazel eyes with streaks of green and shoulder length blond hair tucked on the right side behind that strange human ear. The same small birthmarks on her right cheek bone, temple and neck. It was her. It was Kara Shepard. To the very last detail.

"_Kara..."_

"_Hey there, Blue! How you've been?"_

The same voice, the same playful tone, even the enormous, full-mouthed grin was the same. Liara threw herself at Shepard folding her arms around the human's neck and holding on for dear life. The blond locks tickled her skin and for a second Liara wondered what kind of technology could duplicate tactile feelings so perfectly. But it was almost immediately pushed away by the overwhelming waterfall of relief.

"_Kara, I thought I had lost you. Again."_

Shepard's hands closed around her back reassuringly.

"_I'm here, Liara. I'm not going anywhere. I would never abandon you. You, Garrus and Miranda are like family to me. I was an orphan, I never had a real one, but... you're way better then whatever I had imagined a real family would be like."_

That only made Liara tighten her grip. Kara was still confused, regaining her memories slowly, a bit at a time.

"_Wait... I DID abandon you again, didn't I? There was this child... Anderson died. And the light was so bright..."_

Kara started to pull away, but the asari's arms slid around her shoulders holding Shepard in place. Liara looked up at the confused, starting to darken with pain and loss face.

"_Shepard, take it slow. Don't rush through it. You are here, now, with me and it's safe." _

The blonde nodded hesitantly, but her posture relaxed, the puzzled frown lessened.

"_I... I did something, didn't I? Something big. I can't remember, it's all a blur. Everything feels weird. This is like a really bad hangover. Why are you in my mind?"_

"_Everything will be okay, Shepard. It's hard to explain right away. What is the last thing you remember?"_

"_I was running... Harbinger was shooting at us. EDI and Garrus were hit... Dear god, are they alright?! Did the Normandy make it out of there?!"_

The panic swirled in her hazel eyes. Liara noticed slight buzzing as the outline of Kara's figure shimmered. Asari's hands still fixed on Shepard's shoulders drowned inwards a few inches, the body she was holding had become less solid.

"_The Normandy is fine. It is being repaired at the docks on Earth as we speak. It will be good as new very soon. Garrus only had a few scratches, EDI's platform was badly damaged, but it seems it can be repaired. You don't need to worry about them anymore."_

Liara tried to put as much reassurance in her thoughts as she could. She did not lie directly, only slightly subverted the truth, but that could not be helped. Kara needed to stay focused right now. Her calm thoughts seemed to do the trick. Shepard sighed in relief and she felt solid again. However, that was an indication, a very worrisome indication. Kara would not be able to handle any bad news at this point.

"_I'm sorry, Shepard... Kara, I can not tell you anything about anyone else right now. We need to focus on your recovery first. I don't want to put you under more stress then necessary. The news will have to wait until you are better. You do trust me to get you through this, right?"_

"_Of course, I do."_

Liara let go of her and stood next to Shepard looking up at the blackness.

"_Kara, this is not joining. I am inside your mind, but not like before. This is an advanced virtual simulation. You... Your body has been severely damaged and this was the only way to keep you alive."_

"_Crazy."_ Kara actually laughed. _"Did the geth came up with the idea? I would think so. Or maybe EDI? Only a synthetic would put an organic consciousness in a computer and be fine with it. It does feel very real, through."_

"_It was indeed done by synthetics. Kara, please, don't freak out, okay?" _The blonde nodded still sniggering at the alarmed look on Liara's face_. "I need to introduce you to the... people who saved your life."_

The space in front of them shimmered and a human sized figure appeared there. It was not human, though. It glowed with all shades of green, all of it except for the eyes – the eyes stayed bright golden. Instead of the already familiar prothean-looking holo Harbinger has chosen to appear in its true form. The high crest reached up, the legs of the Reaper moved like flippers as it floated closer.

He did not look imposing or dangerous, though probably only to Liara. Somehow the Doctor had gotten used to Harbinger not trying to harvest all lifeforms in sight. Perhaps, if the findings of the Crucible team regarding the effect of the green beam did not confirmed his story, she would not have believed the Reaper for a second. Either way, right now the Reapers held the key to bringing Shepard back.

Harbinger floated to them and flexed his fins again. The big, leisurely floating body looked more like a manatee then a doomsday killing machine.

"_Shepard. You have known me as Harbinger. We identify ourselves as Inura. You have found a solution to our mission. The last act of the Catalyst was to preserve you for it had been revealed that the Shepard will be needed in the future. The Reapers will rebuild the Shepard, you will be as before. And then you will help us find a new destiny of our own." _

Kara was gaping at Inura with an open mouth, she took several small steps back. The hazel eyes darted between Liara and the glowing figure. She tried to say something, but the only thing that came out of her mouth were garbled gasps. Shepard pointed at the Reaper, reached for a weapon that was not there and... and then her eyes rolled up; she slid down to the black surface they were standing on.

Liara hurried to check on her friend. She dropped on her knees lifting Shepard's head and placing it gingerly on her lap. The blue hands carefully examined Kara's face, looked for a pulse on her neck. When the asari turned towards the Reaper her expression was of surprise and confusion.

"_I think... she has fainted. How is that even possible? This was supposed to be a virtual simulation!"_

The glowing form of Harbinger floated closer. Liara could swear the impossible machine sounded almost smug.

"_It is a very good simulation."_

This had been one hell of a day as Shepard would say, thought the Doctor to herself. She looked down at the person she was helping to resurrect for a second time. Apparently, Kara was very comfortable laying on her lap. The blonde woman pulled her legs closer to herself and was peacefully sleeping! There was a silly smile on her face, maybe Shepard was seeing a good dream. Liara sighed, her fingers moved a stray lock of blonde hair out of Kara's face and tucked it behind her ear.

One hell of a day indeed.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** A bit of a setup chapter. The drama really hist the fan next time.

* * *

Chapter III

"Hey, Garrus!"

Shepard was sitting on the pristine white beach next to the lazuli waves keeping her feet touching the water. She was wearing black sporty two-piece swimsuit. There was a green flowy off-shoulder t-shirt she was wearing on top; it was lowered off her right shoulder and tied up in a knot at her waist. Kara grinned at him with that special full-mouthed smile he only ever saw Shepard have.

"Come here, taste the water! It's incredible!"

She proceeded to splash at the wave with her feet letting out excited laughter.

"Shepard... You know this is not real, right?"

The blonde woman looked up at him with a sly, almost taunting grimace.

"It all depends on the point of view. This simulation can reproduce any and all kinds of sensations. The induction happens right in the brain in your case. It _is _the brain in mine. It's as real as anything. Of course, we can go into a long debate about the metaphysics of what the objective reality really is, but I sense that was not the goal of your visit. Am I right or am I right?"

"Yes, yes, you win, as usual." the turian sighed and put his arms up witch earned him another round of that wonderful laughter. It was so incredible that Kara was here, talking, laughing, teasing him like the last year of hardship was nothing more then a bad dream. He sat next to her on the sandy beach scanning curiously the paradise around them.

The beach lasted in both directions as long as the eye could see. Behind them there was a lush jungle, in front of them there was endless warm teal ocean almost sparkling in the light of the sun. There were two moons rising at the very edge of the horizon.

"What is this place?" he asked with appreciation.

"Nevos. A very prestigious resort location in asari space."

"Wait, I'm certain you have never been there! I read your reports, you gave me those yourself. I thought this place could only reproduce something form your memory."

"Liara left some of her memories for me last time she was here. She thought I needed more cheerful locations."

The turian hummed thoughtfully.

"She has been trying very hard to take care of you."

"I know. She was here with her mother. It was a very happy memory."

Garrus caught a glimpse of her from the corner of his eye. Kara was smiling, she was looking somewhere in the distance apparently relieving the memory asari shared with her. She appeared relaxed, completely used to the bizarre situation. Turian frowned slightly. Why did Shepard seem to be more at peace with what's happened to her than practically anybody else?

Maybe it was because she was an engineer. Garrus could vividly remember how giddy Kara could get finding some obscure compression emergency module on the markets of Omega or going over geth platform architecture with Legion or tinkering with with the new upgrades for her Omni-tool. After getting a first hand look at the geth consensus Shepard burst into the weapons battery and proceeded to bombard him with exited recollections filled to the brim with with words Vakarian not only never heard of, but never imagined someone capable of coming up with.

Maybe it was her willingness to accept anything synthetic, or anything unknown at all for that matter. Garrus could never understand how she could so easily get along with Legion or EDI. Especially after all of the things they saw the rogue geth do during their chase after Saren. Kara was as exited to get a tank-bread krogan as a platform full of geth programs.

"The thing is, G-man..." Kara chewed on her lower lip. "You know, when it's all ready, the body, I mean... It's not gonna get back to how it was before."

"What do you mean? The war is over. Spirits, I never thought I would see the Reapers of all things helping to rebuild! We'll get everything fixed up."

"No... That's not... Garrus, _I _will not be the same."

"Of course, you won't! All that you did, all that we survived. You have earned time to relax, Kara. As long as you need, no one will expect you to get back into it straight away."

"You don't get it..." drawled the woman slowly.

The sniper sifted his head to look at her with some concern. Kara straightened her legs and reclined back on her hands. Her face was raised towards the clear blue sky, bright hazel eyes followed the circling birds absentmindedly. Finally she spoke in a carefully measured tone. It was not sad or happy. Shepard sounded thoughtful, it was more like she was trying to make him understand.

"I'm not gonna be human. The Reapers want to preserve me, they pulled all the stops short of actually changing my personality and way of thinking. That body is a marvel, highest wonder of technological and biochemical engineering I have ever seen. Bu it's not human. Or strictly organic for that matter."

"Shepard..." Garrus wanted to ask her about that fact for some time. "What have they done to you? Are you sure you are still 'you', really? You are acting awfully calm for all of this."

"It's complicated. I'm still me. The same memories, same values. I think the same way. My feelings and reactions did not change." she paused. "They did put a sorta dam on all the negative emotions. It seems Liara convinced them I could not handle all the changes and bad news at once. At least not until I am _'complete'_."

Garrus heard a small chuckle from his right. Kara was still looking at the birds.

"As an individual – intellectually, emotionally – I am as much Kara Shepard as ever. Then again, not quite the same. The body they are making for me will last for many hundreds of years, maybe even thousands. More than any human ever lived. I will require sleep and food not because my body needs it, but because my conscious mind would freak out without a certain level of similarity to previous experiences. The body itself will not feel tired or succumb to an illness or injury. Now that I think about it, they made it almost indestructible. It will be me, but I won't be the same."

They sat in silence listening to the waves.

The turian chuckled. The same small sound that mirrored hers. Then he chuckled again, louder this time. Kara stared at the sniggering friend only prompting him to burst out laughing openly. She snorted in response shoving the bowling with laughter turian in the shoulder.

"Oh, come on, you space dinosaur! I'm opening up here and you dare laugh at my vulnerable, most inner thoughts! I'm gonna fry your scaly ass for that!"

Shepard shouted shoving him again, but ironic sparks were dancing in her eyes. Garrus tried to put his arms up in a joking attempt to defend himself from the onslaught, but failed miserably as he just could not suppress the laughter.

"Kara, you realize, you are asking a turian about how to be human?"

"So what?" shouted Shepard with fake hurt. "I'm pouring my soul out and what my best friend does? Laughs! It's your last day, Vakarian! I'm gonna get you for this!"

She reached out to punch him, but the turian rolled out of the way getting to his feet. He gave her a sly grin and crossed his arms on his chest.

"Oh, no! She's angry!" the flange in his voice carried complex overtones of faked fear and barely disguised laughter. If Kara was not so used to figuring out the emotions hiding in the patterns of turian speech, she would have not caught on. Or maybe she would have anyway. She knew Garrus just as well as the turian knew her.

"You've done it, buddy!"

Shepard sprung to her feet chasing the zigzagging turian across the beach. Every time she lunged at him, Garrus managed to slip her grip. The curses and joking threats were interrupted by fits of laughter from both sides. The mock fighting continued for a while until one lucky undercut tumbled them both off their feet.

They stayed laying on their backs. Heavy breathing of a human and a turian sometimes replaced by final series of laughs on a deserted beach.

"Thanks, G." said Kara after a while. "I kinda needed that."

"Hummm," submitted turian in response. "Listen, Shepard, I never doubted you after Cerberus rebuild your body. Do you remember? The moment I saw the N7 logo through the scope I knew it was you. They could have changed you in a million different ways, but with the first words we spoke to each other in a death trap surrounded by bands of angry mercs, we just got back to where we left off. It did not matter that two years had passed, it did not matter that you got spaced, it did not matter that you were working with Cerberus. I could see that you were the same partner who taught me how to reconfigure an Omni-tool in under 12 seconds, the same partner whom I taught how to reassemble a sniper rifle. I have newer had a friend like you and I consider that friendship to be a privilege."

Garrus paused for a moment looking at the clear sky.

"I felt that way when you showed up to pull me out of the flames on Omega. When I thought I was about to stare death in the face through my scope, I saw you instead. I felt that way on Menae when you appeared out of nowhere and I was once again sure that we could win the war. I'm sorry I even brought it up, because right now... I feel the same way as before. Whatever the Reapers are doing, you're still you. I will not back up now just because you'll get more tech in your system." Garrus suddenly sniggered again. "That actually seems appropriate considering your obsession with everything synthetic."

Kara glanced at her friend. Did she just?... Nah, Liara might know, with all her resources and strange astuteness to certain things, but Garrus would not have picked up on her feelings towards EDI. That was the whole point of her stupid promise, was it not? No one was supposed to know. Kara sighed. She was such an idiot. Why, in the name of all Spirits, did the turian continue to believe in her with such unwavering conviction?

"_Because he is you friend, you dumb shit. Now, push his buttons some more so that neither of you forgets!" _

Shepard smiled to her own thoughts letting the sky start turning the warm shade of orange on one side with silvery blicks on the other as the white star that served as this planet's sun began setting down behind the green lush of the jungle. The double moons rose further up above the ocean. It was indeed beautiful. Liara had made her a royal gift with this breathtaking memory. It's good to have friends. Time to poke more fun out of this scaly one!

"Well, thank you for your vote of confidence, Spectre Vakarian."

The turian flinched. His mandibles shivered in what could only be read as embarrassment.

"So you've heard about that." responded he hesitantly. "I did not really wanted to accept, but Tali convinced me. The galaxy is in disarray, someone has to put it back together and you deserve to step off the front lines for a change. I wanted to go back to Palaven, help with the reconstruction. But that is better suited for someone who knows how to hold a hammer."

Shepard flipped onto her elbows and looked at him with a broad smile.

"I don't know anyone would would deserve it more than you. Congrats, G-man, you'll make a great Spectre." she paused, then grinned even broader. "Unless you have plans to go rogue for old times sake. Getting the girl _and _a promotion could go to your head."

The turian snorted showing her his pointy teeth.

"You got it, buddy. I still don't get why Tali would go for you. That rocket to the face did not make you any prettier, princess." Kara wrinkled her nose in pretend disgust, it came out as one of her funny faces instead.

Garrus chuckled and grasped at his stomach. "Oh, stop, Kara. My sides still hurt. Witch should not be possible in here anyway." he pulled himself in a sitting position. "I'm really glad you're gonna be getting out of here soon. How about a party when you get out? I think some of the others have been planning something already..."

"Sure, but I reserve the right to approve the invite list. And hopefully it won't be as crazy as it was the last time." Shepard squished her face in a thoughtful grimace, then beamed at him. "Nah, it can be as crazy as it can be! I'm not gonna be a killjoy at my own third birthday party."

"Really? Another one? You are not satisfied with two?"

"Hey! I've been born, resurrected and will be brought to life again! I deserve to have a birthday for all of those! I like birthdays. Blasto has two so I'm finally beating him at this, too!"

"Uh-huh. And the ability to smile that wide is your secret superpower, huh, Shepard?"

"You beat'cha!"

If Garrus thought he could not laugh anymore he certainly was proven wrong. They talked for another hour, all through the sunset. The skies changed color gradually as the star hid completely behind the jungle forest and the moons rose. White and orange were replaced with blue and silvery shimmers among the light golden rays.

**. . .**

The figure of the turian shimmered like the heavy air over an open road on a hot summer day. It blinked and dissolved out of existence, no more than a mirage, curiosity of the alien desert. Yet a singe of black smoke remained in the air for a second longer reminding Kara that this was no dream or mirage.

Shepard watched the spot her friend had disappeared at for a while. She was not laughing anymore, on the contrary she looked calm, at peace and maybe just a little bit sad. The night on Nevos was not much different than the day. The same warm breeze rustled her hair, the light from both moons – one silvery, the other light pale golden – was illuminating the beach just as well as the sun. It did make it appear calmer, less bright. The jungle behind her became a black spot in the shining blue velvet night. Not a sound was coming from that direction.

The ocean, however, was another story entirely. Upon the night setting in it shone with previously hidden lights from coral reefs and the depth dwellers. The lasure whales started jumping far off shore. Their long, sleek bodies illuminated the waters around with each jump. Some were still roaming the depths throwing blicks at the surface with their light.

Kara sighed. This was an amazing place. She was truly grateful to the asari for sharing that memory with her. Idyllic landscape was not a perfect replica though. It could be, but Shepard did not want it to be. She gotten used to bending this simulation to her will, change the laws, bend the rules. The simulated world could be as real, as authentic as the very real one or... Or it could be a better, more interesting take on it. It represented freedom of thought in a way Kara never quite knew before.

The blonde woman standing on deserted beach looked longingly at the ocean. She smiled and tossed her head letting the hair flip back out of her face. She untied the knot at her waist, then took the green shirt off stretching her body to the sky in the process. Kara let the light fabric fly with the wind and rocked on her toes keeping the arms clasped high above her head. She did some stretching movements from side to side enjoining the rising energy in her muscles. This night might be improved with a swim.

With a sly grin Shepard sharply contracted and jumped up. What no single human could do in reality, she did with ease. Rising with the force of the jump many tenths of feet above the beach Kara did a somersault in the air and disappeared. Well, not exactly disappeared, just changed positions. Her still turning body appeared again many miles off shore. Continuing to do complex figures on her way down Shepard was dropping from head-spinning hight straight into the ocean. Few minutes before hitting the water she straightened up folding her arms criss-cross over her chest and falling into the shimmering depth legs first.

She dove deep beneath the surface stirring a whirlpool of small bubbles of air where she broke the blue-teal waters. Kara slowly spread her arms wide, her body was still sinking deeper towards the different colored lights among the coral reefs. The intense though gentle light from the moons shone through the clear ocean water. They gathered in wide rays, circular pillars as if some giant was controlling a theater lighting system.

And theater it was down here. The depth dwellers were playing their parts in an eloquent harmony of ocean life. Flocks of silver fish were swiftly roaming the shallower plateaus of the reef, enormous crab-looking things were getting out of their caves and starting their journey for the night – strolling through the reef looking for smaller molluscs to catch. The reef itself was illuminated with thousands of different plants, the corral formations reflecting their light like magnifying mirrors.

Further away, where the reef abruptly cut off into the real depths of the open ocean, the lasure whales started their mating games. They danced in the moonlight columns, swirling in beautiful figures of some mysterious dance only they knew the music and rhythm to. Their light mixed with different shades of the moon's and those of their partners. Females emitted gentle light blue shone while males blazed with bright greens and yellows. It was majestic, something surface bound creatures had no part in.

Shepard laughed out loud. The sound escaped her lips and rang through the water. There was a small trail of air bubbles rising to the surface above her. This place _could_ be real. Or it could let her breath underwater, experience the night life like she never saw before.

Shepard swam with the pack of white playful creatures called liberas. They looked like seals, but with smart enormous eyes and big wrinkled snouts. There was something of manatees and dolphins in them. The absolute trust and apparent joy from swimming with the human and endless curiously coupled with playful attitude. One of her swimming companions swam closer and nuzzled with his soft squishy nose to her neck. Kara let out another laugh.

Together with her escort she dove deeper zigzagging between the crystal spires of the reef. As she neared her favorite spot at the edge of the cliff where the open ocean began, her while friends let out a cheerful noise and turned back. Shepard made to wave her hand, but remembered that those loving creatures, however much they reminded her of sentient people, were only animals. Even less then, simulated animals.

She swam in the twilight of the caves through one of the moon doors. The rich shadows below the ridge were cleared from time to time by a ray of light from the moon or another animone spreading it's light even at the reef's underbelly. This place was something incredible. Not just the memory, but the simulation. The marvel of Reaper engineering. Quintessence of technology taking on the tasks of life. It did not only save her, it gave her something the real world was in such short supply over the past several years.

Garrus would not understand even if she tried to explain in all the detail. There was no absolute need to lie to him. It was just easier to gloss over the fact that she seemed so at ease with the whole living in a computer box thing. The truth was... more complicated.

There was no dam stiffing her emotions. There was no caring watch over the news she had access to. The first times her consciousness had "woken up" Liara was always there. And, yes, it was a mess. The memories flooding in and out uncontrollably, emotions rushing over her without any connection to anything or point to them. Kara later understood what all of that was. Her systems were being restarted. Tinkered with to resemble the records as close as possible and shut down again.

At one point it all lined up, the readings matched up the right maps, the synaptic patterns settled in the correct ways, the mind of Kara Shepard was restored to a tee. _Then _she had to deal with all of it. Saving the galaxy, dying again in the searing beam of pure energy. The state of everything and everyone, uncertain future, her own role in it. Not least of all, the Reapers being her guardians and the fact that she was trapped in a virtual reality while her now synthetically generated mind was being housed in several quantum-zero modules.

It was a lot to take it. An inexperienced person would have cracked under the pressure of half of what Shepard had to deal with. But the curious thing was, she_ had_ experience. Kara died once already and somehow she got back on her feet, even saved the galaxy once or twice since.

In a way this time she had an advantage. The lie of omission, the little fact she did not tell Garrus or Liara. Electrons were moving at quantum speeds in the modules her consciousness and this whole virtual world were housed in. Design restrictions the Reapers put on her reconstructed mind were keeping her from spiraling into purely synthetic thinking. Assimilating data at light speed, computing countless equations and possibilities in a blink of an eye would have completely destroyed her still human consciousness.

So Shepard did not become smarter or faster, but she got something far more valuable for her. _Time._ Time was malleable in here. It moved as fast or as slow as she wanted. Kara did not know for sure, her best guess was that from her point of view a lot more time has passed since the Crucible had fired compared to the rest of the people in the galaxy.

The true reason Shepard had seemed at peace, gotten used to the bizarre situation in her turian friend's eyes was because she actually did. It took a long while to work through it and accept what was going on, but she did figure it out eventually. The sad truth was that she did all she could for everyone. She mourned the deaths of her friends – the ones who died before the war, during and those she found out were gone after regaining her senses in this Reaper simulation.

Jenkins and Pressly from the old Normandy; Kelly and Gabby from the SR-2, Jacob, who got out of the Collector base with barely a scratch, but gave his life protecting Cerberus defectors. Mordin's heroic death curing the genophage, Thane on the Citadel – not a bit less heroic than the Doc. Ash... That one still stung some, but Kara came to terms with her actions during the Coup attempt. Legion did not die in the strict meaning of that word, still he was gone lost among his people. At least the geth achieved everything he ever wanted. Peace.

Letting go of Anderson was one of the hardest things she had to do. The man had replaced a father figure Kara never really had. The respect and gratitude she felt for her mentor, her friend, one of the greatest stabilizing forces in her life, could not be put into words. Even so Anderson had died a good death, blissfully oblivious to the truths of the universe that awaited her. He died knowing the Crucible will fire. Knowing that they have won. And he got to say to Shepard something neither of them could before, being hardcore military and all that... He was proud of her. No matter what, those words will stay with Kara for the rest of her life.

After she got somewhat stable adjusting to the limits and learning the ways of this simulation, Shepard scoured the data-feeds, all available intel from the fleets. It wasn't hard with the Reaper technology at her disposal. The news were not good, she did not expect any better. The list of her lost friends had grown longer still.

According to the Destiny Ascension records Bailey died with most of his surviving officers getting the Council to the flagship. One death among thousands on the station that became a death trap. Kara used to blame herself for that, too. She should have seen through it, gotten the people to evacuate. But where would they have gone to? There was no safe place in the galaxy from the onslaught. At least, like Liara once said, several hindered thousand people had a reprieve form the war, they have lived in piece secure from the horrors for a time.

Major Kirrahe and his STG squad were cut down by advanced flank of banshees and brutes during the assault in London. They took care of the threat, but only at the cost of their own lives. Zaeed was in charge of heavy merc reinforcements. Of course, he led the charge when the time came. He was found holding an old Avenger rifle. Carefully restored it had taken a toll on Reaper forces.

James... He loved his bravado even though anyone could see through it. See the gentle bruiser he actually was underneath all that gall. He would have laughed if he knew! The marine who failed his first command, or at least who thought that he did, did his uniform proud. James will probably be given a medal postmortem.

They all did her proud. Yet at first that did not matter, all she could see were dead: friends, allies, her's or someone's loved ones lost forever just so that she could get to the stupid hologram of the child and listen to her three options. Kara cried, mourned all of them. Took a long, painful stroll through the valley of loss.

All of the denial, fear, panic, guilt and isolation. The depression. Search for answers, for justifications. All of it was already behind her. The benefits of bendable time continuum. That is the reason she could not be_ complete _yet. If she was an emotional wreck, her mind could never bond right with the new body. It would just not have worked.

Kara swam through one of the trenches out of the cave system underneath the reef and out into the open ocean. She swirled around her axis being propelled with more than just her strong legs. She could have just wished to be wherever she wanted, but Kara enjoyed the illusion of physical activities, even if it all was just for show. Pushing hard with her arms she rushed alongside a whale, deep dark black-blue skin on it's top half was punctuated by rows of openings where the light sensitive cells shone with yellow shimmers. It was a male. Kara turned in unison with the animal mimicking it's beautiful dance moves.

One to the right, then swirl, turn to the left, pause, then do a barrel roll and repeat again, but upside-down. It's pristine white belly was separated down the middle with two thin leathery black lines. The sleek skin reflected light form the females like an ingenious natural mirror. The whale did a ring turning it's nose towards the surface. It's tail flexed and Shepard knew immediately what the animal was about to do. She contracted keeping her legs tightly pressed together. Imitating the whale was not that hard with just a bit of the right magic.

They shot straight through the surface together. The whale reached the apex of it's jump and released a series of jets from multitude of sphincters on its back. Each jet was reflecting the bright light of the cells just below the sphincters. Dark blue and white whale, magnificent animal started to fall back into the waters surrounded by the aura of golden brilliance – each drop served as a small lens intensifying the light, letting it shine across the ocean.

Kara emerged from the ocean with much more force than the whale did. She rose above it curving her body with her back towards the ocean and her face open to the moonlight. As she was continuing on her arc the jet of golden sparkling water closed around her. It was like being enveloped by a cloud at sunset – something Shepard tried to do, too. Her joyful laugh rushed with the sound of the waves until her body was swallowed by the ocean once again.

The blonde dived, then zoomed along the massive elegant bodies for a while. She finally settled in suspension at the center of one of the moon's light wells. There was a warm, nice current going through this part of the ocean. Shepard let the current keep her afloat at the same level in the middle of the endless ocean. Just being like this was strangely relaxing. Freeing. Kara knew this sense, this sharp feeling of complete freedom will not leave her once the transition is complete. Her new body was capable of very similar feats.

There was this problem that kept nagging at the corner of her mind. It could not be solved, it was just there – the struggle of retrospect. Shepard knew she will have to really consider that angle, really give in to the possibility. It was not easy though. There were too many variables. Once faced with such problems she used to go to EDI for advice. Her organic friends were always there, ready to talk, lend a helping hand, but the AI provided something none of them could. Her own, completely unique perspective.

Just when her thoughts almost returned to the recurring daydream about EDI, a presence appeared around her. Kara recognized the subtle request immediately. Her mind armed with the new understanding started to classify the different Reapers by their colors. Oh, yes, each individual Reaper communicated with colors in this place. Color and sounds. The visitor was of golden shine turning into bright orange at the seams. The light only appeared in her mind, but she knew that polite version of knocking from experience.

"Not many fishes swim in the sea. Not many fishes just a Reaper and me!" sang Kara.

"Greetings, Shepard. Your observation seems to be proven to the contrary. There appears to be a substantial number of fish swimming in our immediate vicinity."

Shepard sniggered with a wide grin on her face, the trail of bubbles formed a mustache under her nose for a second before rising upwards. "You sound just like EDI! She used to give me those analytical deadpan replies, but always had a punch line to follow up."

"I am honored by the comparison. Judging by your diagnostics, your mind is completely restored and at passable harmonic levels. I assume you have made arrangements though Spectre Vakarian regarding your pending resurrection."

"No." Kara looked up at the shimmering bleary image of the moons hardly perceivable from this depth. "I did not tell him. They all think I'm not ready. I don't want to have a ceremony or whatever they can come up with. Garrus got the impression you are keeping me safe from the worries of the real world. That my negative emotions are on lock-down and that body will need more time."

"You lied to the turian. Why?"

"He did not need to know. Certainly not now. I'm not sure I completely apprehend the situation myself. I mean, I understand, but it's hard to believe. You have kept my mind the way it was - human, limited. I can see the mathematics, get the facts, but believing in them takes getting used to. Was that what you were hoping for?"

"Partially. Just like Miranda Lawson said to you once, we needed to bring you back the way you were, the same person. We, however, are not limited in our understanding of what a person is as opposed to organics. Your body was flawed, unsafe. A shell not worthy of preserving the mind responsible for our liberation. We have recovered your mind, your personality precisely. Certain other enhancements were deemed necessary to preserve and improve you."

Kara shivered among the warm current. She pulled her arms around her shoulders still comfortably suspended in the blue-teal waters.

"The irony is that before... Before all of this, before the prothean visions, before the geth and rachni; before the truth about your people, before the Catalyst and the leviathans, before all the illuminating suffering I've been through, I would have been angry at you for changing me without permission. I would have thought that a person's consent, their choice mattered more than anything else. I was not wrong in that belief. It's just... Now I can see more, can understand more. There are decisions that have to be made for inescapable reasons. I can appreciate that truth much better now."

"Is there a problem?" Inura's disembodied voice carried over the waters with a singe of hesitation.

"After a fashion." Kara snorted, the sound of her laughter reverberated strangely in the ocean spooking a flock of silvery fishes. "That's called struggling with moral decisions. It's a human thing. No, actually, it's an organic thing. Don't worry, it's not gonna drive me off the deep end. It's good, keeps me grounded."

"Understood. Reevaluation of once accepted decisions can provide new perspectives. We have came to the same conclusion."

"I'm curious, just how long exactly have I been in here? The both variants, please."

"By the time count of the outside world, the one your former organic friends use, it has been 2 months and 6 days. By the time count of the Citadel virtual matrix – 8 months, 2 weeks, 5 days, 26 hours. The calculations are somewhat fluid depending on the speed of quantum connections between your zero-modules and the station databanks."

Shepard moved turning her body around encircling a wide area around her. The motion somehow highlighted a cylindrical space of the ocean around her: everything outside of that area buzzed, blincked and fell away. There was a rush of blue smoke outside of that protective shell. Like a storm it rapidly moved in to enclose everything with the oncoming blizzard. The dark, rumbling with thunder and bright blue electrical current storm front bellowed past bending itself around the area Shepard was in. Whooshed, crackled and disappeared.

What the shift revealed were the familiar lights of the Reaper lab on the Citadel. The lab did not change at all since the visit by the representatives of the fleets. The machines hummed with the same low hard working sound, the lights and sensors blinked in complex patterns. Kara lowered herself within the water cylinder smoothly and stepped on the metallic surface. She let her arms fall to her sides and the construction lost it's integrity. The water crashed down, the waves rushed in all directions. Most of it disappeared after the splashes subsided only leaving shimmering puddles on the wet floor.

Kara stepped on the reflective tiles of the floor, her bare feet could feel the surprisingly warmth of each individual perfect square. She pulled her wet hair back from her face, her palms ran over her scalp carefully gathering the blond locks under her fingers. Hair that emerged from under her hands was completely clean and dry. It fell freely forming two waves on the sides of her face with the parting on the right side.

For some reason that seemed to satisfy the woman because she let the rest of her body dry on it's own witch was not an easy feat to accomplish. The drops ran down her neck, gathered at the seams of her swimsuit, traced her abdomen and formed tiny streams down her legs. Kara moved towards the middle of the room where the bigger, brighter lit pod whizzed and breathed deeply, her bare feet made splashing noises on the wet floor.

Shepard could remember every time she came to this reflection of the real place hidden at the heart of the Citadel. She could go back to any of those visits, could relive any moment since the Reapers started working on that final component of her resurrection. Another one. Kara snickered. She really should have watched herself more carefully. _"Twice in a row, really? You are living on the edge, Kara! Or rather keep dying... Well, at least Inura and Co. are trying their best to make it the last time, huh?"_

As she watched the green liquid clearing up in the enclosed tank the small grin flowed off her face like so much water had done mere minutes ago.

The face that was looking down at her with unseeing glassy eyes from the pod, the face she was looking up at was her own. Identical. The naked body was suspended in the water, there were still some wires and tubes attached to it, small clusters of nanomachines were swirling here and there. But aside from that it looked exactly like she did before her second death. Better, in fact. The subdermal scarring from the Lazarus Project was gone, new scars obtained all trough the suicide mission and the war were gone as well. Fatigue, muscle strain, the unhealthy shone of her skin and bags under her eyes; wrinkles at the eyes, the long strained lines down the middle of her forehead and at the corners of her mouth – all the traces from the constant weight of colossal responsibilities – the things she had gotten used to over the last year, all of it was gone without a trace. The Kara Shepard that was looking down on her appeared 10 years younger.

Kara frowned sharply remembering that this body was not what it seemed at all. She saw it, she knew the details. They explained, taught her on how to use it, Inura tried to present all the "enhancements" as something positive. And it was. It just wasn't the same. She will be literally born as a new being, in all senses of the word.

At the core of the body was skeletal structure made of tungsten-carbonate alloy enriched by eezo and 36 other elements she could not possibly remember. It was made of the same material the Reaper hull was made of. As close to indestructible as it could get. The miniscule servos mimicked human bone movement, both the feel and functionality precisely. There was a compact vacuum isolated miniature fusion reactor build into her abdomen, the lungs were synthetic – far surpassing their organic counterparts, the heart was not really a heart at all. It was a complex central refinery for trillions of nanobots that were supposed to fill her veins, replace white corpuscles and keep the body functioning at all times. That heart would still beat just like her old one did, the same pattern, the same feeling in her chest.

Over it was draped an organic-synthetic suit of flesh. It was derived from her DNA perfectly matching Shepards biological markers. Muscles will feel like muscles, skin – just like it did before. Her blood will still be red and she will be able to sweat, cry and bleed, just not bleed out. On the outside Kara will look and feel as she was, but on the inside...

The true marvel was placed into her head. A miniature quantum zero-module suspended in a matrix of supercooled helium and encased in 15 inches of polycarbonate underneath her new scull. It could house the full extend of her consciousness in addition to all the other improvements the Reapers deemed necessary. It was not a brain, but it functioned like one.

Shepard looked at what was going to be her body. Kara gave a lot of thought to what she was going to do once she was ready to take that first step. Time and time again her thoughts reached the same end result. _The promise. _The one she had to break to save everyone. Not only that, to ensure they all had a future. Poor excuse. Shepard could not decide whether her choice was right or not, not now, not at all. During all this time that line of thinking always crashed into an enormous wall in her mind. Something was missing.

Kara knew in her heart, the heart that was not beating yet, she knew the source of the disconnect. Why

even in this perfect, all-encapsulating fairytale world where any dream could be made true there was a crucial element missing. She had to put things right. They had won, in a way, and it was high time to keep her promise.

Was she ready? The Lioness of Elysium did chicken out before, more than once. Shepard lowered her head and closed her eyes listening to her inner feelings. No, she had to, she wanted to, needed to even. Honestly, the blonde was not sure about her place in the universe after this final step will be taken. Her gut was telling her that she could not just jump back in, stroll aboard the Normandy like nothing happened. No... Kara was no longer the legendary Commander Shepard, Hero of the Citadel, Savior of the Galaxy, the first human Spectre. She was not even human anymore and really, truly she did not want to get back to her old life anymore.

Being lifted up from the streets of San Angeles megalopolis, cruising through the military life – those parts of her life seemed like a bleak dream from this point. Most of her life was consumed with the Reaper threat in one way or another. She had to change the dynamic, be in control for once in her life. But not before she took care of a few very important loose ends.

Shepard rose her gaze to the floating form in the capsule. Her face took on a resolute, determined expression.

"It's ready isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Good. How long it would take to get all of it done? This is what you have been preparing me for. The final component?"

"Not long at all. An hour, possibly two."

The blonde woman inhaled deeply. "Alright, I'm ready too. Let's get this show on the road."

"What do you plan to do once you are complete?"

"Why are you asking?"

"The concept of curiosity has not been lost on us. It intensified since Synthesis began. In addition to that... we need your guidance. If your intention is to leave us, we will have to be on our own."

"I will help you figure out what to do with your freedom, I promise." Kara flinched at the word and let out a sigh. "There is another promise I have made. To myself. I have to keep it now that I can."

The air crackled with neon blue witch trailed into tender lavender and disappeared. Shepard was not versed in the Reaper nonverbal communication as well as she wished, but that one she understood. Inura, the one she previously knew as the boogieman Harbinger, the quintessence of Reaper horror, was worried, unsure of her intentions, but also approving of why she had to go. The real complexities of Reaper communications were beyond simple words. Monolithic machines did not use such primitive things like language between themselves.

Shepard sighed. She just promised to embark on a quest that might be way harder than the whole war. Figuring out what to do with the Reapers left to their new-found free will and uncertain future by the Catalyst. _"The Shepard will be required, that little bastard. He just put the responsibility on me instead of sticking with it!" _Kara's thought. _"No, hold the phone, girl. One step at a time. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." _She took a few more breaths to calm her nerves and keep her resolve. Time to go.

"Download me."

"As you wish."

The lab collapsed into buzzing darkness and Shepard felt herself falling, the vertigo threatened to make her faint, but she did not. All spun around, there was no up or down, no direction, no feeling. The darkness expanded, shuddered, and collapsed onto itself. Time had passed, yet she did not know what time was.

There was itching in her eyes. It took a long, endless moment to make out the meaning behind "itching", "eyes" and "her". The words rolled around, bouncing off of each other without any sense. Then something clicked. The information zoomed at incredible speed, she apprehended. There was thick, gooey, but clear solution all around, it stung her opened eyes and when she tried to open her mouth to speak it poured in.

Kara coughed, or tried to. She was surrounded by the solution. A blazing thought about drowning flashed in her mind, but was extinguished by the knowledge, her thorough study of the body she now inhabited. Her hands palmed the glass, it did not budge. Shepard grinned reflectively. She was still being guided by instinct more than conscious thought. Her legs contracted finding support on the back wall of the pod; she flexed her fingers, pulled back her arms clasping hands into fists.

CRASH! CRACK!

The glass panel shattered littering the floor with tiny pieces. The solution rushed forward, the last wave releasing a body with it. Somewhere at the very back of her head there was a picture of Grunt emerging from his tank and thought of how Shepard was now tank-bread, too. Maybe she'll have to undertake a Rite of Passage of her very own.

The body collapsed on the floor convulsing and trying to stretch. Kara arched her back pulling up on her heels and elbows. Ripples were going over her muscles, she could feel the nanobots shocking her system into full activation. Her chest shuddered and she drew her first breath. Now she could feel the rush of air filling her lungs. It stung. But that pain was the first truly conscious thought, the first honest feeling she experienced in the real world. She rolled to her side coughing, spluttering, taking more big wheezing breaths. Her new body was reeling from the hard start of all systems at once.

The stubborn muscles in her chest, sides and throat would not cooperate. They would not let her do what she really wanted to... _laugh_.

Kara Shepard was born anew.


End file.
